Hold Me
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: [Mirage of Blaze] Takaya is no longer Takaya, he's Kagetora -- no, not yet...And it's so very confusing, because of all these conflicting emotions that just don't make sense.


A/N: Another Mirage of Blaze fic! The first one actually got a couple of reviews, and they were so positive that I thought...I have to do this again. Since I tried my hand at Naoe PoV, I thought I might try Takaya (since Takaya is my favorite). Again, this probably takes place at the end of the anime.

Hold Me

He could remember everything, now. He could remember very vividly the reason that he hated Naoe, and yet --

The hatred burned in his heart, and he would never forgive Naoe for his sins, but --

Kagetora hated Naoe with all his heart, but --

Takaya did not hate him. He was angry, of course, that Naoe had turned on him like that, and tried to...tried to...

But all of that was tied up with the past -- Kagetora's past. The messy relationship formed over four hundred years, that the present Ougi Takaya had nothing to do with.

Kagetora had driven Naoe to his insanity,. So -- Takaya blamed himself. He was Kagetora, after all. He could remember all of it, now, could remember the hatred...

But it was all a foggy nightmare, dwelling at the back of his mind. He had fresher memories -- Naoe protecting him from harm, taking care of him at all costs, saving him from loneliness...

Takaya had been awakened once or twice in the night by a hand stroking his hair. He was always careful to pretend that he was still asleep, or he feared the hand might stop too soon and ruin the feeling of comfort that he so desperately craved.

After that incident in the hotel, though, Takaya was always afraid to wake up in the night and be attacked...But Naoe never entered his room at night anymore. There was a was a feeling of disappointment in him, somewhere under all the fear and uncertainty, and the hatred that didn't even feel like his own hatred, sometimes.

Takaya had realized that somewhere along the way, he'd begun to depend on Naoe's presence. That revelation was not particularly startling, since he'd been longing for someone to care about him for the entire seventeen years of his life -- this life -- but he'd also come to realize something else.

Somewhere along the way, Takaya had fallen in love with Naoe.

It only added to the mess, because deep down, he knew that as Kagetora, he also loved Naoe. Under all the hatred, under all the pain...After spending four hundred twisted years together, how could he not, really?

Takaya knew all of that, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do about it. As Takaya, he was too scared to even begin to think about what some kind of relationship with Naoe could mean. Being with him...with a _man_, and one with a dark side that he'd witnessed close up; a dark side that was Kagetora's fault, really...A man who really only cared about him because he was Kagetora...

As Kagetora, he was too proud and angry to give in to what Naoe wanted. They were in the middle of a war, and neither was willing to lose.

Naoe hated him...

Naoe loved him.

Naoe was jealous of Kagetora in some ways -- and he respected Kagetora in others.

Naoe wanted to possess him, and Naoe wanted to protect him.

Four hundred years of a twisted, freakish existence...

Takaya shivered. He was cold.

"Kagetora-sama. You shouldn't be out in this weather."

Takaya made no reply to that. It was a typically Naoe thing to say, during one of his fatherly moments. This side of Naoe was the one that Takaya wanted to trust, and depend on. The gentler side that usually showed up late at night, when they were both tired, and he had less control over his calm mask -- that was the side of Naoe that Takaya wanted to love...the side that stroked his hair in the night, said sweet things to him sometimes, would probably hold him, if he asked...

Then, there was the side of Naoe that wanted to own him. That was the side of Naoe that Takaya feared.

"Come inside."

Another hotel, another "mission", of sorts...Another excuse to spend time with Naoe.

Who he hated...

Naoe was walking away. He looked behind to see if Takaya was following.

"Naoe."

"Yes?"

"Never mind." Takaya caught up to him, and fell into step beside him. Moved a little closer, wished he dared to move in even closer, to touch shoulders, to rest his head on Naoe's shoulder...Wished that he could throw himself into Naoe's arms and stay there, where he felt safe -- but was that really a safe place to be?

And suddenly, there were arms around him, and his face was pressed into Naoe's chest.

"You keep on torturing me, and I hate you for it, but I still want to hold you. I want you..."

Takaya found that he lacked the energy to struggle; that he lacked the will to push Naoe away this time. He waited for what was going to happen; waited with fear eating away at his heart...

He couldn't protest when Naoe's lips touched his, couldn't protest when the kiss deepened, couldn't help himself from responding to it...But when it was all over, and he was released from the embrace, he gave Naoe a fierce glare, and stalked away angrily.

Takaya was angry -- but more with himself than with Naoe.

Naoe -- who he would never forgive...

Why did he have to do that? Was what burned on Takaya's mind the most. If he hadn't -- then maybe the hatred he felt for Naoe wouldn't be this intense, maybe his feelings would be less confusing.

As he tried to sleep, he held back tears that threatened to fall. He would not cry for Naoe, because that might be what Naoe really wanted, and he would never give in...

But when the tears finally fell, Takaya decided he could cry for himself, since nothing made sense anymore.

He wanted to stay safe in those arms forever. He wanted to plead and beg for Naoe to hold him, but...

There was always a "but".

He drifted off to sleep, and his nightmares were filled with tears, and something that he desperately needed, but he could not reach.

__

Hold me, please...hold me forever.


End file.
